I love you mom

This is aleese , kathleen’s daughter if anyone knows anything please contact her family we’re worried sick looking for her everywhere she’s been missing 4 days.   . please if anyoen knows anything or has any information.  We’ve tried so much calling the police and making a missing person statement callign anyone we can think of but no one seems to know anything.  her cell number is (907) 244-9375 she hasn’t picked up her phone for everyone but it’s still on that i’m sure because it rings so i know it must be charging bc it wld be dead by now if it weren’t.  Her family all of us miss her terriably we’ve contacted the church they’re helping too, I love my mom and i need her this is killing me my dad and my sister for teh first time in my life i saw my dad break down in tears, i’ve cried so much adn now i can’t feel anything i jsut want to knw my mom is ok. we just want to know she’s safe, she’s been having a terriable time with her job and she didn’t want to go on monday, adn she never made it.  we dont really know what else to do but we’re not giving up, the 3 of us r stickign together.

 

aleese (18 y/o, oldest daughter)

He is my rest

even when i don’t know the answer, He is always the answer.

trusting and relying on Him brings the only peace I know and need to know.

He knows me/us best and will help me know what is the best for me.

“occasionally, answers aren’t given or the blessings we desire don’t come or the trials we bear continue because there is no place in our hearts for God to put the answer we need.  life must carve or hollow out the place.  the very experiences we are going through help to create these holding places.  yet He still hears our prayers and promises the resolution will come in time.”

as we seek, we shall find.

keep seeking.  never stop.

keep finding continuously.

trust Him.

He is always the one way to have peace.

since i chose Him, He has always been the one way for me to truly feel peace.

no greater peace have i ever known.

i did not fully realize what was missing until i found it.

He helps me find the hope that i need.

He wants me/us to be where we are for a reason.

you/i might be the help that someone needs to find peace that they seek.

“Lord i just thank you for our problems, for they are what bring me to my knees, to Your feet, and they are all worth it.”

He is my rest, he is my place of rest and my sanctuary.

this is right where i need to be.

kathleen

the small and simple things .. when nobody is looking

“rear your children in love, in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  take care of your little ones, welcome them into your homes, and love them with all of your hearts.  they may do, in the years that come, some things you would not want them to do, but be patient, be patient.  you have not failed as long as you have tried.  never forget that.”

sometimes the best moments happen or the neatest pictures are taken when nobody knows someone is looking.  hmmm, like life.  sometimes the best things happen spontaneously naturally and when you don’t try so hard and don’t notice that anyone is looking on.

reminds me of the small and simple things.

good to experience the home visit with 16 y/o daughter ~E so far.  her therapist wanted ~E to come home for a short visit to readjust to us a bit and see how she does prior to her final release at the end of one more school semester (december).  so far alright.  i don’t want to go into a lot of detail but she had been a violatal mess/handfull for 2 years prior to her going.  been doing much better finally now.

when i drove to the airport to pick up dad and ~E (he escorted her back from utah), something strange happened.  weird coincidence i guess.  i put on a shirt that i hadn’t worn in a long time and i felt an odd heavy shape in the pocket.  i reached in and smiled when i saw it.  it’s a small metal stone that has a heart on one side and it reads “you are loved” on the other side.  i hadn’t seen it since the night that we said good bye to put her on the airplane with the hospital staff who escorted her down to the residential treatment center (RTC) in utah.  that night i bought her one to keep and i bought one for me, too, to keep.  i had forgotten what pocket i left it in and i found it again yesterday the very day i went to pick her up from the airport.  just strange to me the coincidence of that.  it warmed me to see that stone that says “you are loved” again but it was sweeter to see this last night and since because so much has changed and grown for the better for us.  i told her i found it again this day and she thought that was cool.

we were going to meet at baggage claim but as their plane was later and later, i crept closer to security.  i decided to get to the closet point possible, so i could see them immediately after they arrived and walked past security.  i saw hubby’s head over the security screen, so i stood behind the screen wall and as they walked by me, i jumped out and said hi and hugged them.  it was a nice surprise.  they didn’t expect me to pop out like that. 

was sweet to hug my girl again.

really nice to have everybody home at home right now.  was so strange (good) to have all of us around the dinner table last night.  the small and simple things matter more.

~E came up to me last night after she and her dad returned from picking up dinner and said, “would you mind if i gave you a hug mom?”  awh, and she hugged me tight.  amazing.  how much she has changed.  a blessing.

18 y/o ~A got home from work and one of the first things she said to ~E after their initial hugs and stuff .. this cracked me up .. ”look, my  b o o b s got bigger!”  haha, didn’t see that coming. 

she and her sister also did a slumber party last night (just the 2 of them so they could hang out more).  they used to fight ”like  c a t s  and d o g s”  before so that was cool to see this peace offering yesterday.

we’re on the homestretch.

there is hope.  “hope begins in the dark.”

it has felt so good to have my girl back in spirit for months now.  she felt like she came home again once she decided to make this positive change in her life.

the small and simple things with those we care about .. i think this is all that really matters the most.

peace, kathleen

this matters more to me

“…we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.” — isaiah 64:8

“don’t pray for an easy life.  pray to be a strong person.”

———————-

sleep is hard right now.  too much has been on my mind.  assessing some good and not so good.

16 y/o daughter ~E will arrive at 2:27pm.  less than 12 hours from now and she will be here for one week.  the countdown is on.  dropped hubby/daddy at the airport a couple hours ago and he is flying down to utah right now to escort her back.  can’t hardly believe we all get to hug her again in just a few hours.  i don’t want to put her back on the plane to finish out her treatment completely by december.  it’s going to tear out our hearts to put her back on the plane.  but she’s in the homestretch.

and for the most part, hubby is being easier to get along with lately, too.  comes in waves.  we’re in a better wave or phase right now.  working together (although it has not always felt like togetherness at times) has overall brought us more together.  has been amazing to see him take an interest in family prayer (which he never did before this experience) and to see him step up to the plate and take more charge and also to see him so great with her through her weekly phone contacts.  i had no idea he (while being firm) could be so therapeutic and soothing and confident and reassuring with her.  it was him who helped her to see it’s time for you to set this goal for yourself and to shoot for (blank) so we can start to begin discharge planning.  can you do try to do this now?  and she listened and she finally responded.  she finally decided that she would stop fighting the treatment program.  she finally decided she could and she would do what had to be done in order to be released from treatment.  it never clicked with her until he finally pushed and encouraged just enough in that one phone call.  that was the pivotal point of her treatment.  i think everything has been up to that point and since that point.  a marked difference.  and he helped bring her to that point.  but nobody could make this choice for her.  she ultimately decided she was ready.

things going so much better with both daughters lately.  better changes.  baby steps, improvements.  i hope and pray this home visit goes well for us all.  i am concerned that the oldest daughter ~A will be a negative a n g r y influence on the younger visiting, but we have discussed our concerns with her thoroughly.  i think she gets it.  i hope for peaceful and healthy interaction.

and the negative work situation has me down and feeling t r a p p e d.  want so much to get away from this very negative influence.  i regret i ever said yes to this offer that i felt so flattered to be asked to take on.  if i had had a crystal ball and i knew what kind of b o s s  i was getting because of saying yes, i would have absolutely said no.  i need to remember to focus on what i have control over.  and needless worrying will continue to rob part of the joy of life from me.  need the reminder.  trying to hold on to a ray of hope for something better.

and i should have slept last night (and i should be asleep now) but my mind is still processing and lingering and hurting.  i was upset today and so i reached out to a friend, but i was glad (but not at the time) that they weren’t reachable right then because instead of turning to someone else, i decided to journal everything going through my mind instead.  and that felt healthy to do that exercise and purging of the mind in that manner.  so glad to have returned to this journaling practice.  it also felt healthy to read from the book of isaiah and linger over the passage at the top of this post.  and it felt good to have mother in law call.  she just wanted to talk about a family heirloom/blanket she is sending and she also vented about ailing body parts.  she is a pistol!  and she keeps saying things to shock me .. she is old and sweet and she cusses like a sailor.  haha.  whooah, really.  

but what brought a sense of peace tonight was when i read from the book ”when your prayers seem unanswered” by s. m i c h a e l  w i l c o x.  yes, in those pages, i felt a feeling of peace almost pour down me.  it changed my present mood of too much worry to more of a sense of acceptance for what i can not change. 

lately, i realize what matters so much more to me. 

other life stressors will get in the way and drag you down at times, but ultimately that is not most important.  these are just things that happen while you are living a life.

it is the hearts and lives of those i touch that mean the world to me.  family and friends are the heart and soul of it all .. the reason for it all.  this was always right here and so reachable, even when i didn’t notice so much.  hearing my 16 y/o ~E recently say, “and i love you all” puts it in perspective.

we have an opportunity here, kathleen

quiz: what kind of blogger are you?

a fun quiz. 

why do you blog? 

what kind of blogger are you? 

take the quiz if you desire.  these are my results. 

sweet dreams, kathleen

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life – a living diary.If it happens, you blog it. And you make it as entertaining as possible.You may be guilty of over-sharing a bit on your blog, but you can’t help it. Your life is truly an open book. Or in this case, an open blog!

What Kind of Blogger Are You?

just in case you forget

good food for thought.  a friend of mine sent me this week and it felt like the perfect thing to read that day.  may this touch your day.  let it soak in.  there’s some good gems here. 

happy friday, kathleen

 

                             “daily reminders”

“1. there are at least two people in this world who you would die for

2. at least 15 people in this world love you in some way

3. the only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you

4. a smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you

5. every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep

6. you mean the world to someone

7. you are special and unique

8. someone that you don’t even know exists loves you

9. when you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it

10. when you think the world has turned its back on you take another look

11. always remember the compliments you received.  forget about the rude comments”

what if i realized that i have what i didn’t think i wanted?

what if what i wanted was right in front of me this whole time, but i just wasn’t paying enough attention?

what if i realized that i have what i didn’t think i wanted?

what if i realized that what i thought i wanted, i never had?

“His tender mercies and His miracles, large and small, are real.  They come in His way and on His timetable.  Sometimes it is not until we have reached our extremity.”

—–

savored a good moment with 16 y/o daughter ~E today.  we had a perfect weekly phone call with her and the therapist.  really looking forward to her arrival saturday.  during this phone call, i branched into some of the rules while she is visiting and what i have tried recently that i think is working and i shared what i have learned and applied to the other daughter.  and i asked for her input, too.  and hehe, ~E after awhile of this said, “wow, you sound like a therapist mom.”  we giggled and it was nice to share this exchange with her.  and she also added, “you’re a great mom.” whooah!  i have not heard her say anything like that in years.  wow.  i don’t believe it.  i know i have tons to always improve on, but it was so dear to hear her words today.  and the therapist joined in and added this that made my mouth drop … “people are getting paid a lot of money to write books that sound like how you talk.”  wow!  that amazed me that her therapist said that to me just about how and what i was saying to ~E about what i have learned and applied recently and what i want to work on with her.

deciding to make a choice and sticking by it is easier.  when faced with a situation that presses you, you don’t have to reevaluate how to proceed because you already made your decision – your standard – to strive to live by.  it is a lot easier to already have a decision made ahead of time .. before the extremity hits.

and another discovery.  i had the utmost pleasure of getting to share another long talk with a friend today.  i am immensely enjoying rediscovering this person who was lost to me.  i had no idea this was so attainable if only i had reached out sooner.  i had not realized that i still wanted this.  it took an extremity to reach this point.  i had no idea how sweet it would be to open up this gift, better than before … renewed, aware, and sincere.  things are not always as over as you think they might be.

choices are getting easier and easier to make and live with.  i like the softer heart i am discovering.

we are here to become something better because we were here in these lives we touch.

wow, i just noticed.  the sunset tonight is mesmerizing, like the most beautiful one i could ever hope to see.  hadn’t realized there were that many shades of orange.  a breathtaking discovery, like life anew.  why hadn’t i noticed what was right before me?

grateful, kathleen