i am reposting this today. i accidentally came across this post today when i was looking for something else.
shout out to melissa who came up with the idea to sometimes do a “scrolling saturday” and repost a post that you want to for some reason. thanks melissa. i like the idea from time to time.
i originally posted this not too long ago, summer, 20jun2008. you know what is especially sweet about THIS post? the wife of friend ~D who i talk of here who i felt so no connection at all with … all that has changed. during some of the worst of a recent awful hard work experience, she reached out to me and she sincerely showed me the heart of a friend at work. she offered me her ear and her professional advice. and i feel so comfortable with her now. i had no idea she would force (not really force, but in a great way) her way into my friend heart when i wasn’t even looking for a friend in her.
surprised the tar out of me. but in a good way. that was effortless. and sweet.
it is interesting to me how sometimes looking at previous things i written wow hit me in the face and surprise me or just strike me as interesting wow i was thinking that then? i forgot. i love writing a journal, this public blog one, and more private again lately, too. if i don’t write down what is going on, i will forget so many details.
from june…
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happy friday everyone,
reading this post by i’m being held hostage got me thinking about this. thanks jeri for an excellent post. i loved reading this and what this also got me thinking about. at first, i thought this was just going to be fun to read, i didn’t realize you were also going to pull at my heartstrings. but i am glad you did.
there are certain people who cross our paths in life who we feel “drawn to.” it either happens or it doesn’t. just can’t force it. it is there or it isn’t. i know a couple and the husband (~D) and i get along so well and joke and can talk forever and we share an occasional hug (i missed ya) when we haven’t seen each other for awhile. and we giggle our hearts out and he is so fun, like talking and rough housing with a brother who i like. the wife is sweet to me, she tries to reach out to me. but there is no connection there. i just don’t feel it. i would cringe if she ever tried to hug me, i know i would. i feel uncomfortable talking with her for even a minute. i feel that “dead silence” awkward feeling, you know what i am talking about .. where you are scrambling in your head for anything to talk about and the whole moment you are thinking, how fast can i get out of this conversation? but her husband, i feel like i am with an old friend who i have known forever. and no, i am not attracted to ~D at all. i just feel a camaraderie with my friend, but i feel so awkward with the other part of the couple. i can’t fake how i feel and i can’t force a friendship with someone i am not feeling it with. but she is really sweet to me. but i don’t want any more that to just share not much more than hi/bye with her. and i really don’t think this has anything to do with the fact that she is female and he is male. it doesn’t really matter to me what the gender is of someone i click with. i am typically more comfortable with guy friends, but not always. you just can’t click with everyone.
but when you do, it is awesome. my best friend, i felt immediately drawn to. i felt a pull, like a magnet, and i just knew i wanted to try to get to know this person. and if she would let me, i would be honored to be her friend. i love and savor how this has worked out so far. i treasure this. it is a blessing, truly a sweet blessing, to feel this drawn to and connected with another soul you adore.
you can’t really help who you are drawn to. but when you are, it is and can be so awesome. i love and adore and am very open with my closest people. i am not fake. i call it like it is. if someone doesn’t like me for who i am, then i don’t want to know them … or don’t need to either. i am real and i am kind. what you see and hear with me is what you get. i don’t play games. and i do not respect it or appreciate it when people play games with me. if i figure out that that is what is happening, i won’t stay in the picture very long. i love myself too much to waste my time with friends who aren’t good to me. there are so many people out there who want to be a good part of your life (so many who you haven’t even met yet, but you will). we get to move through this life collecting up the best of the best .. and keeping close to our hearts those who are the dearest to us.
jeri also talked of a “friendship fling.” my heart just broke for her as i read of this “friend” who dropped her “like a flavor of the month.” i know that stings. but we learn something, too, from these tough things. when you have it soooo good with someone, you KNOW it and savor it even more.
and if a “friend” drops you soooo quickly, we are better off if it happens right away instead of devastating us even more after having that friend for a very long time. but i think we can and do become an EVEN BETTER friend to certain others NOW because of painful experiences like this.
think about it. if you ever had a really cruddy awful friend, then you KNOW and can appreciate it when you have a beautiful sweet tender awesome dear friendship now. you KNOW the difference and you cherish it even more. i know i do. i know how blessed i am now. i am grateful to know this.
i don’t think we are given experiences just for no good reason. each experience and person who impacts our life (positive or negative) changes us in a way. we are better off for what we take away from these. we take what we have learned. we bring this into future experiences. and we keep getting better and better. haven’t you noticed that you are a much better friend and companion to your favorite souls NOW than you were in your younger years? this is learned. and if you are awesome now and were awesome at this in your younger years, then you are extra amazing because most of us i believe have had to grow this naturally over time and with each experience.
bottomline i want to say is .. if you are not “drawn” to someone, that is okay. don’t force it. there are so many people who you will cross paths with in life who you will feel drawn to like a magnet (“kismet”) and vice versa. when it happens, you just KNOW it. develop those relationships. these are the best kind.
happy friday, kathleen
I totally get what you’re saying. I have a hard time making friends because I’m really not all that outgoing. But if I feel drawn towards someone I will go for it!
Just a thought- I wonder if ~D’s wife is jealous of y’alls relationship and it makes her uncomfortable making it impossible for her to talk to you? Idk. Not jealous like she thinks you are attracted, just jealous that you have that friendship?
Thanks for the linky love, K! My question now is, I don’t want a forced friendship, but how do you convince that person that’s trying so hard without hurting their ego?
I think the older in life we come, the wiser we are to this. I remember when I was younger that I wanted and expected everyone to like me. I now know this is not the case and I certainly don’t feel that way about everyone. No guilt–we just make different connections!
hi tori — i wish you and i were in the same ward. i totally get you. i don’t think ~D’s wife is jealous of our little friendship cause she seems to genuinely act sweet to me. and she seems so happy when she is right there with us in a conversation. and she sent me a sweet email the other day (a congrats thing to me). and i try no to let on that i am the one who feels uncomfortable. i just don’t click with her, but i am kind to her and include her.
hi jeri — you’re welcome. i loved that post that you wrote. you got to me. i had to share. tough question absolutely. been there. i think it has to be a two way relationship. both have to be interested in fostering a friendship and if one doesn’t feel it, i think the other party needs to accept it and back off. not cruel, just in a subtle way. and if they really don’t get the hint, oh that is harder. one time, i had to say something to someone who had gone way overboard with me and they would just not leave me alone and i just wasn’t feeling this friendship. both have to want it. both have a choice in this matter. ouch, you asked me a tough question 🙂
hi amber — absolutely. i so agree with you girl.
night night, kathleen
You are so right!
I have a couple of friends who I just have that magnetic pull with, and even when we don’t talk for a while, we still deeply love each other.
In fact, I dreamed about one of those friends last night and I’m going to call her today!
hi dysf mom — oooo, i know what you mean. i love this. night night, kathleen
I like what I heard about 50 50 … the law of opposition. The universe is always balanced. HALF of the people like you. HALF of them don’t. You always have equal support and equal challenge. One never exceeds the other.
I heard that from Dr. John Demartini. My favorite mentor.
I like ya.
I guess that means someone else is going to have to dislike you to balance that out, huh? But wait. Is someone also going to have to dislike me to balance out your liking me? Yup. Guess so. But I think I’ll ignore them. LOL.
hugs,
Wendster
wow, funny you reposted this one (a great thought-provoking post then and now) because I was taking pics of that couple (in the post you linky’d to) last night and thinking how glad I was that they came into our lives…
great SS choice!
I couldn’t agree more Kathleen. There have certainly been a few friends who I’ve tried to force myself to build a bond, but it never really clicks. Just like with any relationship, man or woman, there needs to be a bit of synergy 🙂
A lovely post!
Thanks so much for your kind words and being such a sweet bloggy friend 🙂
hi wendy — awh, you crack me up girl. thanks for the millions of notes this week. you are so dear.
hi jeri — that is so cool. i don’t often do this SS thing, but it seemed so perfect this time. your post so got to me and sparked me to write this originally and then for some reason, this post was just so interesting to ponder as i happened to come across this and re-read it the other night. it is fascinating to me sometimes to see how much we change in how we approach or embrace something. just because we felt something at one time does not mean that we always will. we are continuously evolving. and if not for writing some of this now, how could we reflect on how far we have come sometimes? it’s all good. it’s all for our experience. it’s all for our good. i bet you recognize from that which i am quoting. you know what? your note to me the other day just made my days. it was the one about how you were drawn to me and my blog. the kindness exuded comment was so precious. and you wanted in on this … awh, see, i still am touched so much by the gem you gave me that day. you are such a treasure. and you have cows, too. hehehe.
hi sandy — so true. man i know what you mean. nothing can be forced. it is either there (now or soon) or it is not. what amazed me about this situation was that i thought it was so uncomfortable so i stayed back. but it was a tough situation that showed me her true colors and she reached out to me and i gladly took it in and just let it happen naturally. i didn’t force a thing. this was the most natural this kind of thing has ever been for me. what a blessing. thank you for your sweet words. you always leave a trail of sunshine when you leave me comments and emails. thanks.
good day, kathleen
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