this feels so good to me since starting the new job.
believe me, i am overwhelmed and dealing with the stress and pressure, but i will get there … but i want to try to reflect on some positives since this started this week.
when i got home from work last night, my two little schnauzers (luka and kinley) greeted me at the front door and i got down on the carpet with them and nuzzled their heads and they did that with me, too. and they made little happy growly purring noises as they nuzzled hello mommy to me. and i giggled and purred (play growled) right along with them and just ate up that snuggle moment. yea, it feels like mama and baby cub nuzzle moments (like with my little ones at church). it is easier to leave outside stressors and pressures at the door when my pups are sooooo warm and comforting to come home to and cuddle and nuzzle with me right when i come in the door. that always brings a smile to my face. always comforts my heart, no matter how i feel up until walking in that front door from the day.
people at work who i have worked with (who i have just thought of as acquaintances) who are offering me encouragement and comfort (i know you can do this, i know you will make this better, remember they asked for you by name, you can do this, how are you doing?, you rock, nudging my shoulder while encouraging you go girl, miss you, wish you hadn’t moved, but glad for you, miss you more, i just wanted to come upstairs and see you and say hi, is there anything i can do to make this easier for you?, how can i help you?, so glad you took this, i am excited for you, on and on).
two of my previous supervisors who now seem to be treating me like their peer now (i am no longer in their chain of command at all). and both of them are talking to me different. i don’t think i am imagining it. it feels different with both of them. i’m no longer under their command, so i know i don’t have to talk to them if i don’t want to (i do want to though). but they have both checked in on me some to see how i am doing in my new job. they both are acting caring like want to make sure it is going okay. it’s kinda nice. it feels different, better. i don’t see them as anything other than peers now, too.
i really like having an office again. not huge but that’s cool. it’s just enough. and it is nice to have a little quiet. it is just nice to have an office with a door and two windows. when i am at my desk, i can look right out the windows at the tops of the mountains and the trees off in the distance. when i go to leave at night, the last thing i see is those beautiful mountains, my alaska.
some of my new coworkers (and my new boss) keep telling me they are so glad i said yes to this opportunity, they are so glad i am here, they know i will make it better. it feels good to be encouraged so much. a couple of them offered to help me move my stuff upstairs. a couple of my new people are being so awesome to me and offering me quidance, help, information, anything i need to help me learn what i need to do. one of my new coworkers told me this week, anytime you need an answer from me, just send out the bat signal and i will come a running. awh. and i have asked him plenty of questions and he is a total joy, easy to work with. i love working with people who are easy to work with (you know, not j#erks). note = i write words sometimes with # in them because i don’t want certain searches on the internet to find me for that word. for example, one time i wrote a post that included a we##dgie comment in it (i was with a gal friend of mine right before church and i smiled and playfully told her i have a we##gie right before church started and we both giggled and then we got all reverent like for church to start. it was a cute moment. so i write the ## thing because after i did that, i got sooooo many people putting in searches for that word and friends who have them and who want to have them and other weird things. i don’t want people to come to my so grateful blog just because of we##dgies. i know, off the subject here. but one more, this week, somebody keeps coming to my blog because they keep searching for “uni##brow mormon, or mormons with uni##brows, or mormon uni##brows” hahaha … bizarre, what makes someone write that for a search??? blog stats are interesting to look at sometimes.
missing being around certain favorite coworkers and feeling warm whenever we run into each other and when they send me a little email saying hi. really sweet how ~R sent me an email this week saying he missed hearing my giggle. awh. it feels really nice to run into them again each time. i am only a floor upstairs from them.
one of my new friends ~S here in alaska who is being so sweet. she called me for the first time at my home this week and we just talked and giggled for 45 minutes that night. so glad that she wants to be my friend. i am enjoying getting to know her better and there is no rush to discover everything quickly. and i am giving plenty of space .. you know, not drowning her. it feels sweet. and she keeps blowing my mind occasionally, making me blush because she will tell me an occasional sweet thing like a compliment out of the blue. i kinda blush some, thank you, you, too. just feels nice .. and it feels good to not race. i am just taking it slow and savoring the discovery process without any hurry or worry of drowning her and making her sick of me quickly. i like looking into her eyes when we talk. it’s like looking into the windows of a soul who you know cares for you. it is comforting.
one of my other friends who i can vent and talk about anything and everything with. who always offers me comfort and kindness, anything i want and need. i know i always have her shoulder to lean on anytime i need and want that. i feel very blessed to know i am never alone in this walk through life.
to be asked to give a talk in church (“Sacrament” mtg, the main service) this coming sunday. my bishop called me last night and my first response was no, i am too overwhelmed with new job, need to do this another time. and he is wonderful, i totally respect and adore him. and he said he understood and that was totally fine. before i got off the phone with him, i asked him what would the subject have been on anyway? he said, “prayer” and in that very moment, i just wanted really bad to say yes to giving the talk. i asked him if i still could. he said sure. are you sure you want to? it’s okay if you do this another time. i said i really wanted to. could i still do it? i asked him if i could add “giving a talk” to my plate this week!! ha, wild. but i meant it. right when he answered my question about the topic, i knew i wanted it bad. prayer means so much to me. it became meaningful to me, something i feel so strongly about, just since my teen daughters ran away this past summer and were missing for 3 weeks and 4 days. (see “my articles” above if you want to read about it and how prayer became something so real to me then.) i know, i am rambling. well, when he said the talk was on “prayer,” i just knew immediately that i really want to share about this and i need to now this week. maybe focusing a little more on this subject this week is just exactly the added comfort i need and want as i am transitioning into my new job. sometimes it is really easy to forget to pray. since being asked to give the talk on prayer, i honestly feel a little more at peace about taking on this new challenge. still overwhelmed believe me, but with prayer and remembering to say something to the Man upstairs, it sometimes feels like just enough comfort that i (we) will get through this or anything. i barely feel nervous and unsettled about giving the talk on sunday either. bizarre. it feels comforting to me. bizarre to feel this way. grinning even as i write this right now. it is fascinating to me sometimes how just writing something out or telling someone you trust something, how it doesn’t really change the thing, but it just helps to get out your thoughts instead of keeping them locked inside your head (where they are sometimes bouncing around so much, stressing so much, that you feel at times almost like you are drowning). God gave us words to use, the ability to communicate for a reason. we were not placed her to be alone. He gives us people in our lives who love us and we can share these everythings that we need to … and they share this walk with us. it’s good, it’s good.
peace this night, kathleenybeany xo
I’m so glad everything is working out so great with the new job and that all the people around you have been so supporting and welcoming. Whew! Know that was a big worry off you. Just have fun with it! It’s all icing now!
Good luck with your talk at church! ♥
No matter the topic…I hate speaking in church. Sweaty palms, upset stomach…stress! You are brave sister!
So glad you are settling into your new job. A strong support system makes new endeavors that much easier.
Wow, I’m SOOO glad to hear things are going so well for you!!! Hooray! I sort of chuckled when I read that you added yet another thing to your plate. I tend to do that too… Always going and going and going. 🙂
Have a blessed day!
xoxo
Here you are pointing out the positives again. It’s not wonder you are a well-balanced happy woman! I hope things get easier (but still challenging, you don’t want to be bored at work, lol). Yay for a great office though!!
You will do great on Sunday. I can’t wait to hear all about it.
Sounds like all is well in the Land of Beany!! I’m so glad!
Excited for you and your new position. Good luck on Sunday. Just thinking about speaking in Sac makes my tummy get all ugh-y feeling.
Hey, you…I *totally* feel ya on the warmth and love from the animals. We have 2 cats. One is kinda skittish around people, but the other is very lovey-dovey. I always tell Mrs jtj3 “It’s hard to be depressed when you’ve got a kitty cuddled on your lap.”
Sounds like the job is going great–and supportive co-workers can make all the difference. Glad they’re being encouraging. Oh and the view from your office–SO jealous! I live in Illinois, where it’s as flat as a pancake. I bet mountains would be NICE!
Have a great weekend, and good luck Sunday!
YAY! Thats awesome that things went well for you! I wish you all the luck in the world on Sunday. Can’t wait for the next post!
Uh… did I miss it?
I am glad to lean on you friend and to call you and laugh heartily at the innocent Freudian slips we both make on our walk together! I love having you as a friend!
🙂 *hugs*
All of life’s transitions take time….even the awesome ones 😉
hi TARa — thanks woman. the icing is really thick right now though, he he. want it to get easier and it will with time and experience. hope you get the news you are hoping for.
hi ashlee — he he, you made me giggle. hope your goal is going great for you this week.
hi ash — i chuckled, too, that i wanted to add another big stressor to the whole mess.
hi lena beana — thanks and i can’t wait to share about it, too. hope it goes alright. glad you guys did okay in the storm. balancing act here, he he. cute comment, girl.
hi karen — your note made me chuckle. i did a shout out to you on my blog today, sat, about what you said here. land of beany is feeling challenged, but land of beany also has lots of smiles to share.
hi elizabeth — good to see you again. been awhile. i’ve been meaning to get over there, too, but you beat me to it. nice to get your notes last night, too.
hi jim — thanks for another cute note. so agree about the animals and the coworkers. if you want mountains, you could draw them on your windows. if i could give you mountains, i would man.
hi debbie — welcome first timer. thanks for coming by. come back anytime. thanks for your kind words.
hi sue bear — awh, absolutely. i love that you called me again yesterday and that we got to talk and laugh hard heartily together as i went for a walk outside. you are a riot, so much fun. love the calls and the chats and the emails. love that you are my friend, too.
hi danielle — thanks, so agree.
peace today, kathleenybeany 🙂 xo
I always enjoy reading your posts… thanks for being real and sharing.
hi carrie — awh, thanks for saying that. i wouldn’t have it any other way. peace, kathleen 🙂