i want to slow down and take a step back … take a look at things. i want to get better about stoking fires (relationships) slowly from now on. there is no reason to race and hurry and drown a fire too quickly i am finding out. yes, this post is about always being a work in progress.
“people are like stained-glass windows. they sparkle and shine when the sun’s out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within.” — by e.k.ross
sometimes from the darkness and sadness, something good comes out of it. i count that a blessing lately.
you don’t know how much some of you have really helped begin to lift me out of the darkness lately. i hate it when i get into a funk that seems hard to come out of. i don’t mean to be making my blog sound like an up/down journal totally. just been really tender and hurt lately primarily set off by dealing with continued stressful teenager urgg, so the notes and emails lately have really come when i especially need the extra care. i mean it in my profile when i say i just hope hubby and i can survive raising teens, cause i seriously feel drained lately and like i don’t have a lot of me left to offer others.
my head has been spinning (too much thinking) since yesterday morning when a deep friend told me a lot of things about me that nobody has ever told me before. so much of what she said just nailed so much of me. things i had pondered and tried to self-analyze about myself over the years, especially say the last few. i never told a soul i wondered many of these things about my personality and behaviors in the past. so it really blew me away when she did this so well yesterday and said so much about me that i had wondered to myself.
it freaks me out (amazes me, i am in awe) sometimes when she seemingly knows me better than i know myself. i love that she seems to know me so well because i am so not used to someone feeling this close to me. she is the first person to really stick it out with me and hang on long enough to cut waaaay past the surface. i like it. i like how it feels. i like feeling a connection with someone. i like feeling more and talking about more. i will never stop learning and trying to make it better in relationships. it is exciting to keep growing and finding out what matters in relationships, what i am willing to put up with, what i really want out of them, what i am really willing to put into them. i’ve been thinking too much lately and my head is tired though.
lately i have also pondered that some of the deep people you know really pay attention to what you say, and they also pay attention to what you don’t say. i can’t do this with very many … and frankly, i’m not willing to. every relationship that is deep (more meaningful than most) is an investment of your time, your life, your energy, your heart and soul if you truly care. i am friendly with most, but i just don’t make the effort usually to do a whole lot more. but i think i can continue to improve this and try to develop better the ones i have and will have. tomorrow and tomorrow look good to keep trying to grow.
lately, i have been fascinated that during some sad period, i reached out to someone i didn’t know very well at first but she seems so much like me (so like-minded, it is uncanny). and it is interesting, we have both been really missing something and a hole can be filled in a way i thnk. it amazes me sometimes how some of the things she tells me sound so much like how i talk and how i feel about things. her notes sometimes look to me like i wrote them. i have never experienced that before. in finding and sharing with this new person, i am finding we are a comfort right now to each other in a way that lower levels of friendships just can’t fill. most people we know are acquaintances and we are just knocked over occasionally when we cross paths with someone who seems like they could be more. i didn’t go into this seeking a new deep friend, but this is what is happening and i don’t want to mess it up. i don’t want to give too much and overwhelm with too much kindness, i want to build on it slowly, carefully, get to know, get more comfy, stoke up like a fire not drown it with too much fuel. i am amazed sometimes when a tough situation that you go through and share with someone ends up bringing you such a blessing … an additional kind tender soul who i can’t help but want to make time and effort and heart for. good things keep happening, even when parts of life seem cruddy for a time. i am grateful for the experiences to change and grow … and to write openly here about what is on my mind.
i think i will always feel that God sends things (experiences, certain people) into your life right when you need to learn and grow, but it is not always clear what that blessing is often times until later.
“some people come into our lives and quickly go.
some stay awhile and we are never the same again.”
we only have this day, really just this moment. i want to try to grasp hold of and take notice of the good things.
foster something good today, kathleen xoxo
couldnt have said it better myself. amazing how God (or fate, or whatever one believes in) puts things in your path at just the right time and just the right place.
life is a crapshoot! thats very profound… feel free to use that line! : )
go find some sunshine today!
🙂
Kathleen, this really is a profound, and beautifully written post. Really!! Thanks for sharing this..
I’m also finding out that possibilities and friends do come on your path when the time is right. And once you become aware of this, and once your on the right path, they will come more often (or be more clear). To help you grow, to help you on your own path, so you can help them on their path..
Please, Kathleen, never doubt that you are one of those people with that amazing inner beauty within!!
Wishing you lots of sunshine today,
Ellen
I can so relate to this post. I love it when good friends are close enough to tell us the truth about ourselves…it’s not always easy to hear, but is definitely a step in the right direction.
I’m so glad to have made you as a new bloggy friend. Thanks so much for all your support over the last couple of days. It feels so nice to have so many great people on my side!
I’m glad you have such a good friend who can be open and honest with you, and do it with love. It’s good to hear you so optimistic again. Good job, Beany!
i came over from the buzz. just spending some time looking through profiles and then their blogs. i’m so glad i came across yours.
i read the last 5 or so posts and i like the way you write but i could also relate to a lot of what you said. i’m glad you not only have blogging friends there for you, but this one that you spoke of in this post. friends are one of God’s gifts to us, that’s for sure.
i also feel some of your angst because i, too, have two teenagers – one in college, one in h.s. i’m also a youth worker so i’m with kids more than i want to some times. i swear, they’ve given me every gray hair in my head :]
nice to meet you.
Hugs….
I love the quotes.
I’m glad you have such a good friend to depend on. My closest friend, besides my honey, is my sister. It’s wonderful to connect with someone.
And, I truly believe when it comes to teenagers, what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger!
Have a fantastic day!
I love you.
Thank you for YOU, Beany.
♥ xox
Beautiful post Kathleen.
Thanks for being there for me. 😉
Wow, this is really a profound post!
Sorry I’ve been mia for the last couple of weeks, we’ve been so horribly sick here and I’ve spent limited time on the computer.
I think it’s nice that you’ve found a special friend like that.
Friendships are like gardens, it’s good to have a variety, but also you must include your favorite flower as well.
Big hugs to you.
This is a lovely post! I found you through comments on another blog, and I love your blog. It’s beautiful (your header is so peaceful) and beautifully written.
thank you everyone. my cup keepeth running over 🙂
Such a great post. You are a thinker, girl! You make people think too. I feel like I don’t carry off a good thinking post, when I have written then, I get like one comment and sometimes you really want to know what others are thinking… hummmm guess I do better with the funny “kids say’ posts. Thank you for making us think. 🙂
[…] Want to Stoke Fires Slowly From Now On posted by Kathleen at So Grateful To Be A Mormon […]
Hi Kathleen,sorry to hear that you are feeling worn down at times due to raising your teenagers,it must be a real challenge,certainly.I am still getting to that point,at which time I shall have to hope I can handle it,lol.Otherwise,I will visit your posts when that time comes and glean some info!
Its great that you have a friend who seems to know you so well,we all need a good and true friend in our lives.I love the quote about the stainded glass. We only shine if there is light within. Something to think about…how can I shine more brightly?? My light is currently in need of new batteries 🙂
(((Hugs)))..to you and yours,may today be brighter than ever !