my articles

   other articles/links are at the end of this post.

i wrote this for the october 2007 writing contest.  this is from the heart.

“i’m (not) on my own” (writing entry, non fiction, essay) 

Thanks Novembrance for hosting this writing contest and for challenging me to write something by a deadline and for giving the subject of “on my own.” It felt good to write this.

I’m (Not) On My Own

Two times in my life stand out with significance as times that I discovered humbly that I am NOT on my own in this life. Even though these were hard to experience, I am thankful for the adversities of August 2005 and August 2007. For I know He is right here with me always guiding, encouraging, and watching over.In summer 2005, when I told my non-Mormon husband that I had decided to join the Mormon church and get baptized, he was not pleased. He tried fervently for three months to talk me out of it. We had daily “discussions” (arguments) about why he didn’t think I should join. I held my ground. Never before in my life had I ever made a decision to place God and religion in the forefront of my life. Now that I discovered this, I didn’t want anyone to stand in my way of being baptized, too. These daily barrages of discussions wore on me for 3 months before I baptized on 23 Aug 2005. These discussions sapped my energies, but somehow I held my resolve. I never stood up for anything like this before. It meant (and means) everything to me. One of the last mornings of these discussions (by August), I was reassured through the scriptures and given a calmness over my decision. I read the scriptures every day and when I most needed reassurance, confidence, and calm, the words from D&C 122:9 came to me. “Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass … fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.” And these words kept repeating in my head that morning and over the new few days. In that very moment when these words filled my head at just the time when I needed the reminder, I knew that not only was I making the right decision, but that everything really would work out alright because I made this decision. And I strongly knew in that moment that no matter what the consequences, nobody was going to stand in my way, and I knew without a doubt that I would hold onto this. I knew then that I was not alone, that He would help me through this and help me because I wasn’t willing to let go.I have never looked back regretfully since choosing this Gospel-filled life. And my husband and our teens did attend my baptism. It has not been easy being the only Mormon in my immediate family, but who said anything had to be easy? But it has been worth it to me.

In summer 2007, our teenager daughters (15 y/o and just turned 17 y/o) planned and ran away from home and were missing for 3 weeks and 4 days. Thankfully, we are all doing better now, but I won’t kid you, this was gut-wrenching having to deal with this situation beyond my control. It was hard and so impossible for us not to know where they were for 3 weeks and 4 days. No parent and family should ever have to experience what we experienced. We exhausted all resources (people, agencies) we could think of, but ultimately I was left resorting to trusting
COMPLETELY in God that He knew what He was doing, that He would see us through this, that He would watch over our girls, and that He would make something better out of this. I kept telling myself this. And amazingly, my husband started praying almost nightly with me (a habit that has continued well past this trial).

To date, this is the hardest adversity my family has experienced, and yet most of this time, I was filled with a peace and this incredible blessed sense of calm that passeth all understanding. Friends kept telling me I was so strong and I was amazing that I wasn’t flipping out. I felt numb and depressed at times, but I kept telling them that I was clinging to my covenants and to God even tighter than before. I already had faith and already clung to the covenants that I had made when I choose this path in May 2005. But this run-away experience made me realize that I clung even tighter to these covenants and to Him. I still had to function, so on most of my workdays, I went for walks in the sun and ended up praying to God. I left the headphones because I instinctively knew I craved silence. During these walks in blessed silence, and while crying, pondering, and praying, I was given something priceless to me. It was during these walks that I learned to trust in Him completely and to KNOW that He is right here with me always. He feels as real to me as a friend standing right next to me touching my shoulder urging and encouraging me on. I never felt this close before. And it was during these walks that I felt like I knew I was not on my own. During these painful weeks, much of the time, I felt filled up, my cup ranneth over, and I felt so blessed and loved (by my people and by our King). However seemingly impossible it sounds, I felt filled with hopeful anticipation of whatever He wanted me to do next in this journey through life. I felt confidant that I knew He would see us through and I knew that He would not give me more than I was capable (with His help) to overcome. I knew that good would come from the hard experiences, too, perhaps because of them. I clung to this belief and to Him.

If it took an impossible trial for me to gain a firm testimony that I know He is real (I have no doubt), that He is right here with me, that I am not on my own, then I have to say I would take the same adversity again. I trust and believe that He has me (all of us) in His hands, He is completely aware of me, and is molding me into something better than I ever could have become by myself. I’m never letting go of the best gift I’ve ever been given. I’ve never felt alone and on my own since choosing this priceless path.

– written by Kathleen (aka so grateful to be Mormon)

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more

here is a link to an article i wrote called “opening a new chapter (forgiveness)”  http://sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com/2008/10/16/opening-a-new-chapter-forgiveness/

here is a link to an article i wrote called “i sent you” http://sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com/2008/10/17/i-sent-you/

here is a link to an article i wrote called “but your sorrow shall be turned into joy” http://sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com/2008/10/18/but-your-sorrow-shall-be-turned-into-joy/