i have an itch

(can’t help it. i keep writing and reading so much lately. i am just going with it. so much is busting to come loose. didn’t even know this was on my mind tonight until i started talking to a friend of mine tonight because he posed some interesting thoughts and questions to me. i feel like i am in a philosophy class sometimes when i am talking with this friend. enjoy him immensely. i enjoy his brain immensely. and he is a kind soul. i love kind souls. okay, disclaimer is over. pull up a chair if you desire.)

i have loved that quote for years about “begin with the end in mind.”

i also read something recently that got to me and is kinda similar.  it was something like … decide what you want THEN plan your goals around that. 

hmmmm.

how can you make a goal and make plans if you don’t truly know what end result you really want?  i like the thought behind it.  just saying “i’ll do better” doesn’t seem like enough.  when i accomplished my associates, bachelors, and masters degrees, i very clearly plotted the end target for each and then i filled in all the courses each semester that would get me there.  and i reassessed and i updated and while working through the shorter term goals, i still constantly kept my eye on that end goal.  i had it written down each time and i pulled it out and i looked at it and i marked all over it.  it became fun for me in a way.  but i remember feeling sad in a way when i was near done with the last degree .. because i was thinking ”what next?”  everytime i finished a big goal in my life, before i was completely done with it, i overlapped it and started another new one.

but since i finished my certification (credentials — hardest exams of my life) in my careerfield a couple years ago and served for a year as president of my career field’s local chapter last year, i feel kind of stale.  i don’t know.  just nothing.  i haven’t thought of another thing/goal to go for next.  i think i am bored and wanting to move on, to step outside of my comfort zone.  and i think the thought of staying in my present career field until i retire at age 55 (that’s 15 more years) sounds stifling.  i feel this urge that i want to explore something else and staying another 15 years in the same field feels depressing to me.  i’m not sure what to do.

i love the saying, “i work to support me and my family, i live to serve my God and others.”

since 1996, work stopped being my primary focus in life.  i remember back then that that was my number one priority.  i’m glad my priorities shifted and they shifted even more three years ago for the better i say.  but up until 1996, i thought nothing of working extra hours on the weekend often and doing it for free.  that was dumb.  there was always work to do and it really made no difference if i came in extra .. it just made me grumpier because nobody else was doing that.  i needed something else.

what helped me break that extra working habit was a friend in my life.  she was another mom/wife and we started walking every single weekend, usually saturdays for a couple hours and we hiked in the woods.  we talked of most everything going on in our lives and we were exercising at the same time, too.  it felt healthy to do this (the hiking and the talking/processing).  we did this almost every single weekend for several years.  it was a great experience.  she helped me to find a little more balance outside of work.  and since this experience it has been important to me to have more than just work as my life.  work will never again take top burner for me.

but i crave something career wise that i can’t quite put my finger on yet.  and i think i am kind of afraid to do something about it right now.  but i feel this some kind of itch that i can’t quite reach yet.  and i think i likely will keep feeling this itch until i find what it is.  i’m not done looking.

i’m glad i had my friend tonight to ponder this a little more with.  thanks my buddy.
kathleen