this feels so good to me … how can i pick just one of these?

i feel this itch.  i have to write this kind of post.  one of my favorite kind of posts to write is when i list some of the latest really good things in my life.  i can’t let another day go by without writing some of these out before i forget them all.

this feels sooo good.

not good … teenager angst.  anger.  urgh.

so good … successfully seeing it through and finishing all fiscal year end everything that i needed to do to close out this year at work.  it ended today.  hopefully, my nights of doing too much overtime are now over.  my superior praising me tonight for all my efforts and for seeing it through to the end and not letting anything fail.

so good … connecting up again with an old friend from high school and sharing a four hour phone call over the weekend and just like always, it felt like no time had passed since the last phone call.  she (~S) will always be a part of my life, i know it.  i have known her since we were 15 and 16 and i cherish that we can still feel so comfy with each other after all these years.  it is sooooo comfortable how it never feels like any time has passed since the last contact.  that is rare and special.

so good … slipping into jeans that are now so loose on me.  i couldn’t even zip up these same jeans a few months ago.  having to buy underwear two sizes smaller because they kept falling down!!  and they were snug a few months ago.  all my skirts are falling off of me.  i need to take them in.  i was so desperate this week, i actually stapled one of my skirts at the waist (to bring it in).  hehehe.  cool.  it didn’t work too well though but it made me giggle to do it.  i think i need to break down and buy some smaller skirts.

so good … losing 33 1/2 lbs since january, primarily because of completely changing my eating habits and choices of what i really put in my mouth.  i eat all the veggies, fruits, salads, nuts that i want.  and i sparingly eat meat and junk.  i don’t miss my old habits at all.  i don’t crave the junk anymore.  and i am never starving.  i feel sooooo much better physically.  hubby has lost 40 lbs with me, too, doing almost the same change of diet with me.  he was the one who encouraged me to join him in this effort.  i thought it sounded stupid at first and i didn’t think i could do it (i didn’t think i wanted to do it, but i reluctantly agreed to give it a try).  after i started seeing good success and i noticed that i never felt like i was starving, the easier it got and the more i didn’t want to go back to the old ways.  i can taste this goal!  i want this bad.  i want so bad to get back down to close to the fit size i was when i was in the Air Force.  i see that picture in my head all the time and i have that goal motivation picture at work, in my truck, hanging in my garage next to the boxing bag, and here on my blog.  for years, i have only been able to lose and gain and lose and gain the same 20 or 21 lbs.  i am amazed that for the first time since 1996, i have lost more than 21 lbs.  i am presently down 33 1/2 lbs and i am going to keep going until i reach my size goal!  hehehe, i got on a roll talking about this and just kept going.

so good … breaking my daily chocolate addi ction in june.  to this day, i rarely have a little piece of chocolate.  just occasionally do i allow myself a teeny bit and it doesn’t do much for me anymore.  i feel sooooo much better physically.

so good … running into one of my little kid angels from church the other day at the store.  i walked up to 7 y/o ~E and her dad, i crouched down next to ~E to say hi … and when she saw me, her eyes LIT UP, she immediately put down her cookies, and she hugged me so tight, i was in heaven.  awh.  love those kiddos.  and she is one of my favorites.  i had no idea that when i taught these kids for a couple years that they would give me more than i ever gave them.  they blessed my life and they still continue to.  i love it how several of them still come up to me at church and share stickers with me or say hi or hug me or smile.  i feel like a pied piper.  i feel lucky in their presence.

so good … “recognizing our total dependence on Him … i wonder if we can ever really fathom the immense power of prayer until we encounter an overpowering, urgent problem and realize that we are powerless to resolve it.  then we will turn to our Father in humble recognition of our total dependence on Him…”  — by r.g.scott

so good … scriptures and hymns that have exactly the words that i need to hear that day.  sometimes it feels so perfect the message that comes through at certain times.

so good … wearing suits/skirts everyday to work.  people keep asking me if i have an interview that day and i love it.  i am loving wearing the suits every work day again.  i sort of forgot that i used to like to dress professionally in my career.  i’m glad i reawakened that in me again.  maybe it is because i have lost 33 1/2 lbs so far.  maybe.  but i never want to lose this part of me again when it comes to the professional image i project to my workworld.  i know it is just a physically symbol.  i have not changed the way i work.  but i feel more professional when i dress the part in my career.  i walk and act more confidently and i am just comfy again.

so good … not being buried in over work load anymore.  i was buried completely from april until a week ish ago.  i was miserable.  i could not keep the ocean back.  so glad that my work load was made more livable.

so good … people at work keep telling me it’s great to see the smile on my face again at work.  i was so buried, i must have looked sad.

so good .. my superior being awesome and fixing an unlivable work situation.  peace returning.

so good … seeing my buddy ~R in person, catching up again, and sharing warm hugs.  love that dear friend.  miss her when she is out of town.  i love how she treats me like i am one of her family.  they have five almost grown daughters and she makes me feel almost like i am also one of her daughters, but even better because i am her friend.  and she is one of the best huggers.  you know the type.  a sweet snug enveloped hug that lets you know that you are truly cared for by this soul.

so good … awh, it was so fun to get to talk to friend ~H last night.  what a sweetheart of a person. 

so good … a yummy massage at the day spa by somebody who knows what they are doing.  that is heaven.  even if i didn’t have a messed up back, i would still eat this up.

so good … a two hour chat at 2 am with our jim when i was really needing his ear/his support/his everything.  what a sweet friend.  so glad we crossed paths.

so good … same teenager (different night) calling me up while i was working overtime again and leaving me the sweetest cutest voicemail message all excited because she bought the DVD “made of honor” and she wanted to watch it with me when i got home and she reminded me how much fun she had going with me and her friend to see that movie in the theatre and she wanted to see it again with me.  and she ended the voice mail with “love you mom.”  wow, did i hear that right?  awh. 

so good … during an awful and hard work adversity that lasted several months, someone who i thought had just been an acquaintance in my life … ~D showed her true colors with me and she reached out to me and offered me this amazing ear and professional advice and a friendship that i didn’t even see coming.  i did not seek this out.  she did.  it just happened naturally and i didn’t force my way into this.  and i am so glad she reached out when she did.  she helped me through this.  it helped me to have a friend like this at work while this hard thing was going on.  it doesn’t seem nearly as bad because this diamond in the rough emerged from this experience.  i am still so surprised at how it all played out.  grateful, so grateful, sometimes how certain people are placed in our lives seemingly when we need them most right then for some reason.

so good … seeing the look on our secretary’s face when i said this thing to her.  ~P came to me needing me to approve and sign something.  i asked her did you make all the changes i asked about?  she said yes.  i said good, i trust you made the changes i needed, i do not need to look through every single change to approve this.  you would have thought i gave her a big gift or something.  she looked sooooo happy and she said thank you for believing her.  it made me feel so happy to see her reaction.  i took her under my wing in a way because i didn’t like seeing the way some people were treating her … and i refused to be that way with her.  i truly appreciated everything she did to make my job easier and i told her occasionally.  and i was always sincere.

so good … seeing one of “my brothers” ~JW at work who i hadn’t seen in awhile.  he always gives me a sweet hug.  makes me feel like i have an uncle i like at work.  he always shares a laugh and a smile and hug with me.  everytime i run into him, i feel like my day has just been lifted.  he has a gift to be able to do that.

so good … this cracked me up.  one of “my brothers” ~LP at work and two of us were talking about politics for a brief moment.  and ~LP out of the blue asked me if i was ever interested in running for any kind of local office here.  i said no way, i love my privacy too much!  but what was so sweet was he said, “i would vote for you.”  i was stunned and asked him if he was just joking around.  he said he wasn’t joking.  he said he seriously thinks i am level-headed and he would vote for me if i ever ran for office.  awh, that was so kind.  what a nice compliment.  and no way would i ever do that.  i would absolutely despise having people going through my life like that.  i am way too private to ever want to invite that kind of intrusion into my life.  but the compliment was darling.

so good … after returning from camping, my teen daughter was so adorable and telling me everything and anything.  i loved that moment.  i’ll take any good moment i can get with her.  moments like that are a glimpse into the future (i hope) for us.

so good … feeling a sense of peace during a get away camping weekend with hubby and our doggies.  being rained in and we didn’t care.  just being away from work and away from everything.  and before we left, sharing a long meaningful awesome talk with my bestee and sharing hugs with my teen who didn’t cringe when i tried to hug her.  and while away, totally enjoying cuddling with the hubby and our doggies.  and completely enjoying making out with hubby and having nobody else around.

so good … we’re going away camping this coming weekend, too.  can’t wait.  looking forward to hopefully another peaceful escape.

so good … hymns at church that completely melted my heart and made me feel something and made me cry but not out of sadness.  ~K (another woman at church) seeing me crying and so she reached over and touched my back to comfort me.  awh.  so sweet.  i told her i wasn’t upset/sad.  i told her that the hymn music just pierced my heart and really got to me and i was overcome with emotion and it felt really good.

so good … the way it feels comfy and peaceful to have candles lit in my bedroom.  and the noise maker sounds like a jungle with birds singing.  my bedroom feels like a sanctuary to me away from the rest of the world.

so good … getting to have alone time while hubby and his buddy when fishing for a weekend.  i don’t always want people around.  i do, but i don’t.  i know when i am craving time just to myself and i know i must have it.  then i feel recharged and i want to be around others again, too.  but i like both (to be surrounded by people for a time, but also to have complete alone time).  listening to what my body wants.

so good … my back flare-up is on the upswing.  for several days now, it almost feels like it normally does (not like it does when it hurts so bad during the bad flare-ups).  so grateful for the church friends who drove me to/from church on the weekends just so i could take the stronger meds that impaired me but made me more comfortable while i was off work.

so good … making cards again lately.  i love it when i feel the itch to be creative and feel like making greetings cards.  it feels so peaceful to me when i escape into that creativity, but only when i am really in the mood to create.  giving homemade cards away is fun, too.

so good … while sitting in church with my friend ~C’s family, her little guy ~R said something so funny.  Four y/o ~R looked distressed or sad for a moment.  i noticed and was concerned, so i leaned down into his seat next to me and i asked, “what do you need?”  and without even pausing, ~R answered, “a sticker.”  what?  awh.  hahaha.  that cracked me up.  yes, i gave him another sticker.

so good … choking up because my 16 y/o teen who is in the residential treatment center in utah lately has been sending me cards, notes, and drawings.  she is turning around her life and she is being tender and sweet again … instead of so angry.

so good … the cute little bloggy awards lately from bloggy buddies.  thanks.  so cute and nice of you.

so good … when i really needed to talk something out that was consuming me and weighing me down so much, my best friend shared a chat with me for almost five hours.  we really talked.  we talked about the heavy stuff, got it out of my system, made some goals of how to deal best with this, and then we were able to talk and giggle over silly things.  i appreciated that she gave me her time and her ear and her advice.

so good … P T that helped me get my back back to normal again.

so good … those who i trust and feel comfy with.  thank you.

peace, beany